(un)Stuck

Disclaimer: I intend this article to initiate conversations. As much as I would like to be a part of those conversations, I do not need to be involved. Do not waste your time reading this if you do not plan on taking action.

The number of “feeling stuck” conversations I have found myself in lately has been high. Working as a life coach, I am not surprised by the topic and I often feel stuck, too. I think everyone does at sometime or another.

I came across the most intriguing statement, myth, precept, what have you, while processing this idea of becoming frozen in the face of unmet expectations and failure. This quote comes from chapter thirty of Anné Linden’s book “Mindworks: An Introduction to NLP.”

“A person without a problem is like a warrior with a broken sword.”

I wrestled with these words for a while without a clear revelation. Ironically I felt stuck, grasping at straws, looking for any inkling of understanding with no avail. 

Basic internet searches brought up plenty of movie trailers from a recent production which I quickly dismissed out of my typical disdain for mass media. Eventually I discovered two stories that shed light on my predicament. (It turns out one of them has been turned into a film.)

I am unsure if Linden is familiar with the American Poet, Edward Rowland Sill and his poem “Opportunity”; however, upon reading Sill’s words Linden’s statement became clear to me. This is the first story, telling of a raging battle and a broken sword.

Opportunity

This I beheld, or dreamed it in a dream:-
There spread a cloud of dust along a plain;
And underneath the cloud, or in it, raged
A furious battle, and men yelled, and swords
Shocked upon swords and shields. A prince’s banner
Wavered, then staggered backward, hemmed by foes.
A craven hung along the battle’s edge,
And thought, “Had I a sword of keener steel-
That blue blade that the king’s son bears,-but this
Blunt thing-!” he snapt and flung it from his hand,
And lowering crept away and left the field.
Then came the king’s son, wounded, sore bestead,
And weaponless, and saw the broken sword,
Hilt-buried in the dry and trodden sand,
And ran and snatched it, and with battle-shout
Lifted afresh he hewed his enemy down,
And saved a great cause that heroic day.

Edward Rowland Sill

The second story tells of
Phraya Pichai, a historic Thai nobleman from the 1700s, known best for fighting with a sword in each hand and his Muay Thai kickboxing expertise. In one battle it is said one of his blades broke when he fell and caught himself with one of his swords and he continued the battle despite a broken sword in one hand. 

Ultimately both of these stories reminded me of an Instagram post I made a few days ago I want to revisit. 

Some days I feel like one my bathroom gargoyles (yes I have multiple). This lionesque creature lost his wing in a tragic window shutting accident. Wounded, incomplete, unworthy of moving forward. Then I one day I realized the true purpose of this gargoyle is not for my enjoyment and aesthetic pleasure. It keeps the enemy (cats at our house) at bay by looking scary. Imagine a one winged lion beast staring you down. He did not lose that wing hanging out on the couch hoping for a better day than yesterday. The sad truth, he was wounded by someone who should have been watching out for him…unfortunately his keeper did not know the true value of this creature before wounding him. 

To me, the broken wing represents resilience born through overcoming past wounds, but this does not keep the gargoyle from serving its true purpose. 

We all carry something broken. Unfortunately some of us might be more broken than others. It is not likely a sword or a wing, maybe for you it is trust in a person, organization, or mankind as a whole. Rejection, failed plans, repeated missteps, speaking too soon, speaking too late, we all have something. 

I  have found two functional definitions of failure that I rely on when turning failure into feedback in my life. I’ll phrase them in questions.

What rule did I break or boundary did I cross?
or
How did I diverge from my core values/vision?

Sometimes we break our own rules, but from my experience the feeling of failure or being stuck is typically a result of overstepping someone else’s boundaries or breaking rules that you don’t agree with in the first place. When this happens, the best course of action is to engage in conversation with everyone involved so you can reorient your trajectory and be sure everyone is moving in the same direction. If that is not possible through dialogue, you might have found yourself in a situation where you are chasing someone else’s values and dreams and you have to decide what to do with that.

It is okay to feel stuck. 

It is not okay to stay stuck. 

What do you need in order to be sure you can continue moving forward even if your sword breaks?